Monday smiles – Jack and Jill

I thought it was time for another ‘lesson’ in legalese from nursery rhymes (see this post – Roses are Red), so here we are…

Jack and Jill

Went up the Hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down

And broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after

Accident Report

32267b71-ce48-49c5-b175-fde4fc4d34baThe party of the first part hereinafter known as Jack … and …

The party of the second part hereinafter known as Jill …

Ascended or caused to be ascended an elevation of undetermined height and degree of slope, hereinafter referred to as “hill”.

Whose purpose it was to obtain, attain, procure, secure, or otherwise, gain acquisition to, by any and/or all means available to them, a receptacle or container, hereinafter known as “pail”, suitable for the transport of a liquid whose chemical properties shall be limited to hydrogen and oxygen, the proportions of which shall not be less than or exceed two parts for the first mentioned element and one part for the latter. Such combination will hereinafter be called “water”.

On the occasion stated above, it has been established beyond reasonable doubt that Jack did plunge, tumble, topple or otherwise be caused to lose his footing in a manner that caused his body to be thrust into a downward direction.

As a direct result of these circumstances, Jack suffered fractures and contusions of his cranial regions. Jill, whether due to Jack’s misfortune or not, was known to also tumble in similar fashion after Jack. (Whether the term “after” shall be interpreted in a spatial or time passage sense has not been determined.)

Credit: from the wonderful book The Legal Guide to Mother Goose, translated by Don Sandburg, published by Price/Stern/Sloan, Los Angeles, 1979

6 thoughts on “Monday smiles – Jack and Jill

  1. Hilarious!

    Here is the accompanying medical report from the doctor who saw Jack and Jill on arrival at hospital:

    A previously healthy 10-year-old boy presented to A&E after sustaining a head injury in a fall. Alert and oriented ×3. Battle’s sign positive and haemotympanum suggestive of longitudinal temporal bone fracture. Confirmed on X-ray. Plan: Send for urgent CT-head and refer to neuro-orthopaedics.

    An 11-year-old girl was also involved in the fall. She reported mild headache but no loss of consciousness. Plan: Instruct parents to keep patient under observation for 24 hours for signs of drowsiness, nausea or vomiting.

  2. Pingback: Monday smiles – Peter Piper | From Words to Deeds: translation & the law

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