Monday smile – Red riding hood, compliance-style

redridinghoodI happened upon this lovely demonstration of a technical reportย gone wrong… Hope you like it, and enjoy your week!

Little Red Riding Hood

At a previous but undetermined timeframe, a single-family domestic domicile was inhabited by a young girl, known as Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH), and her Maternal Parent (MP). The Maternal Parent (MP) had once provided for the fabrication of an article of clothing, a cloak in nature (including a “hood” or protective covering for the head of the wearer), that was RGB code [255,0,0] in hue (aka, “red”). As a result of this action, and the resultant repeated usage of the “hood”, the young girl was always known as LRRH in substitution for the name identified on her birth certificate and other identifying documentation.

During one 24-hour interval, a request was issued by the MP for LRRH to deliver a package to the MP’s Maternal Parent (MPMP) (genealogically identified as the Grandmaternal Unit (GU) with respects to LRRH). This package was to include:

  • cheesecakes
  • fresh butter
  • one dozen (12) strawberries

Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH) optioned to accept the Task Order (TO). LRRH further sourced a package delivery vehicle with the proper functionality for the Task Order, selecting a wicker basket. After a thorough and complete market survey, leveraging LRRH’s experience with similar Task Orders in the past, cheesecake and fresh butter were acquired from the kitchen, whereas strawberries were acquired from the garden. While the latter item was not, strictly speaking, within the bounds of the Task Order, the marginal cost savings as compared to waiting for strawberries to grow in the kitchen appeared to be of great benefit to the MP in the completion of the Task.

With initial outsourcing complete, the journey was commenced by LRRH (see Appendix A: Proposed Map of Route Between the Domiciles of MP and GU). During a brief eleventh-hour meeting, MP issued a contract rider requiring the complete confidentiality of all personnel working the Task Order. LRRH assured MP that there would be no violation of this rider.

RRHforest

In the course of executing the Task Order, LRRH was approached by market competitor Old Grey Wolf (OGW). There were inquiries from OGW to LRRH regarding the nature of the Task Order, and in violation of the contract rider, LRRH disclosed sensitive and mission-critical data relating to the Task. Table 1-1 illustrates the nature of the information believed to have been compromised:

Table 1-1: Information Compromised by LRRH During Interactions With GW

RRHtable

The identity of LRRH had been predetermined by OGW using standard practices of observation; therefore, that information was not compromised by the actions of LRRH.

It was the intent of OGW to compromise the functionality of LRRH, but the potential negative impact on its operations by the nearby presence of an organized unit of fully-functional Wood Cutters (WC) provided for the redirection of its action item to the domicile of GU.

Though LRRH had blatantly violated the terms of the contract rider, this violation went unreported to supervisory entities (i.e., MP) by the violator. LRRH continued to action the Task Order despite clear and compelling evidence that the integrity of the process had been disenfranchised by the OGW.

While LRRH continued to analyze its processes through the implementation of the Task Order, OGW leveraged its greater cumulative experience and used Best Practices to arrive at the GU client site in a more efficient and expedient manner than LRRH. Therein, the functionality of GU was impacted by the biorhythmic needs of OGW in a negative manner.

Upon the dissemination of information related to the pending closure of the Task Order assigned to LRRH, OGW engaged in an enterprise-wide analysis of situational readiness. Determining that there were vulnerabilities in OGW’s methodology, OGW elected to redesign the external identifiers of OGW to better emulate those of GU, by means of garbing the nightgown generally associated with GU and altering the vocal patterns of OGW to align with precedents set by GU.

After completing the Task Order by delivering the deliverables:

  • cheesecakes;
  • fresh butter; and
  • one dozen (12) strawberries

LRRH recorded observations of the host system. These observations included, but were not limited to:

  • My what big ears you have!
  • My what big eyes you have!
  • My what a big nose you have!
  • My what big teeth you have!

Upon receipt of the host system status analysis, OGW prepared and delivered a response regarding the functionality of the concerned functionalities, to include:

  • This functionality leverages the soundwaves generated from other sources, such as LRRH, to amplify the positive audio signal from such sources for the end user.
  • This functionality absorbs underutilized light emissions and their reflection from objects thereon, such as LRRH, to better provide for the identification of nearby entities by the end user.
  • This functionality analyzes the available transient atmospheric particles against a matrix of known particle cultures, such as LRRH, to provide near-instantaneous and transparent supplemental feedback to the end user.
  • This functionality greatly impacts the capacity of the OGW to reprocess physical assets related to LRRH in such a manner as to benefit the continued functional life-cycle of the OGW operations!!

Immediately thereafter, Old Grey Wolf (OGW) executed its asset plan action item and severely compromised the functionality of Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH).

 

 

* * *

Credit: The US Government plain language guidelines.

One thought on “Monday smile – Red riding hood, compliance-style

  1. Pingback: Monday smile – Writing well | From Words to Deeds: translation & the law

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